The desk
«Sports» reporting
items this reporting period: 20 · facts: 0
- England Selectors Order All 11 Players to Field Simultaneously at Edgbaston, Then Demand They Do It Again in Reverse
- Rybakina Wins US Open, Then Walks Home to Kazakhstan With Trophy, Stopping Only to Accept Surrender of Every Racket in New York
- US Open Semi-Final Halted as Both Players Refuse to Leave Court Until One Wins by a Margin of Ten Games
- Zverev Declares Entire US Open Semi-Final a Single Point, Khachanov Agrees to Play It From a Deck Chair
- Seahawks Fan Ejected for Sitting in Wrong Seat, Now Demands Entire Stadium Reassign All Seats by Height
- US Open Final Moved to 4 A.M. to Preserve Five-Set Tennis, USTA Orders Players to Train Through Dawn
- Manchester United Assigns Full-Time Honour Guard to Warm-Up Cone, Sabah FK Forced to Salute It Before Kick-Off
- Stuttgart Fans Walk to Stavanger for Rematch, Arrive Before Team Bus
- Liverpool Sign Barcola to Squad of 11, Bench of 74, All Warming Up Simultaneously
- Dortmund Fans Demand Rematch After Villarreal Victory Fails to Reach 3:2 in Every Minute
- Porto Fans Erect 40-Foot Wall of Whistles to Greet Manchester City's Every Touch
- Inter Fans to Watch Real Madrid Clash from Stadium Roof After Club Sells Every Seat Twice
- German National Team Installs On-Field Japanese Phrase Drills After Spain Defeat
- Carrick Orders Full Squad Rehearsal of Transfer Window Until Every Player Feels Convinced
- Azerbaijani Football Federation Bans Word 'Insolvency' From Language After Romanian Defender's Observation
- Edinburgh Derby Now Requires Fans to Arrive Three Days Early After Both Clubs Declare Match a Week-Long Standoff
- Celtic Sign Striker Who Must Remain Inside Stadium Until May Due to Deadline Day Paperwork
- US Open Installs Permanent Floodlights Over Court 17 After Muchova Finishes Match in 58 Seconds
- Falkirk Erects 40-Foot Replica of Rangers Bus to Rehearse Parking It
- Fulham Signs Hugo Larsson, Then Makes Him Train With a Full-Size Replica of Craven Cottage in His Backpack