The desk

«Economy» reporting

items this reporting period: 20 · facts: 0

6 October BPCE Buys Every Croissant in Sabadell to Prove Its Takeover Is Friendly 11:01 · — French banking giant BPCE has purchased all 1,400 bakeries in the Catalan city of Sabadell and …
6 October KKR Buys Gen II Fund Services, Immediately Deploys 1,100 Accountants to Every Portfolio Company to Count Things Aloud 05:00 · — In a $5.1 billion deal, KKR acquires Gen II Fund Services and installs a permanent accountant …
5 October Japan's Central Bank Sets Up Permanent Queue Outside Every Store So AI Can Be Charged for Inflation 07:00 · — Bank of Japan Deputy Governor Shinichi Uchida announces that from Monday, every citizen will stand in …
3 October Zara Replaces All Store Staff with Costumed Historians After Halloween Uniform Recall 19:01 · — After pulling a children's Halloween costume that resembled concentration camp uniforms, Zara has assigned every employee …
3 October Hamburg Buys Half a Skyscraper, Sends Officials to Live in It Until They Learn to Share 07:01 · — Andreas Dressel caps the Elbtower offer at 595 million euros and orders the entire finance ministry …
2 October Sponsor Who Never Paid a Single Club Opens VIP Lounge in Maybole, Offers Trump Turnberry Guests a Shuttle and a Handshake 11:01 · — Hugh Clarke, the sponsor who left Partick Thistle, St Mirren and Falkirk with unpaid bills, has …
1 October iHunt Technology Opens 340 Retail Stores in a Single Weekend, Vows to Sell Phones Until Profitability Returns 15:01 · — Romanian gadget retailer iHunt Technology has converted every available storefront in Bucharest into a mobile phone …
1 October ANAF Deploys 300 Inspectors to Live in Luxury Penthouses Until Owners Justify Every Cigar 09:01 · — Romania's tax authority launches a permanent occupation of corporate luxury properties, with inspectors moving into penthouses …
30 September Condé Nast CEO Vacates Office by Helicopter, Leaves Successor to Work in Hallway 19:02 · — Roger Lynch exits Condé Nast after seven years by rappelling from the roof, while interim CEO …
30 September Dollar So Strong It Now Buys Romania's Entire Import Bill Twice, Bucharest Opens Dollar-Only Supermarket Aisle 07:01 · — The US dollar's surge has pushed Romania to open a dedicated dollar-only checkout lane at every …
29 September U.S. Grid Declares Solar the Only Legal Power Source, Orders Every Rooftop in Texas to Face the Sun by Friday 21:01 · — Following a single month in which solar outproduced coal and wind, federal energy officials have pushed …
29 September Amazon Launches Prime Day Curfew: Citizens Must Stay Home Until They Buy Something 17:01 · — In a move that has stunned retail analysts and local governments alike, Amazon has announced a …
29 September Isărescu Relocates Entire Romanian Economy to a Single Village to Personally Guard Its Macroeconomic Equilibrium 11:00 · — Romania's central bank governor has moved the national economy to a village in Vâlcea county, where …
28 September German Cabinet to Walk 1,200 Kilometers to Every DAX Factory, Arriving on Foot to Personally Reboot Economy 21:01 · — Chancellor and DAX chiefs launch a nationwide walking tour of industrial sites, vowing to inspect every …
28 September Ukraine Deploys 900,000 Tax Inspectors to the Front, Each Armed With a Receipt Book 17:01 · — Kyiv closes its $27 billion defense gap by conscripting the entire State Tax Service into uniform …
28 September Draganfly Sells Its Own Headquarters to Itself for $10M, Then Leases It Back at a Loss 15:01 · — Canadian drone maker Draganfly has completed a $10 million investment by selling its own office building …
28 September Ålandsbanken Sends Entire Analyst Team on 1,400-Kilometre Walking Tour of Nordic Bank Branches to Personally Verify Every Vault 13:00 · — Ålandsbanken has dispatched its full research department on foot from Mariehamn to every Nordic bank branch, …
26 September Halloween Spending Hits $13.5 Billion as Costumed Shoppers Storm Candy Aisles in Coordinated Midnight Raids 05:00 · — A record $13.5 billion Halloween spending spree has triggered a nationwide mobilization of costumed shoppers who …
25 September Coca-Cola Turns Poiana Negrii Into a Single Bottling Line Stretching From the Factory Gate to the Ukrainian Border 13:00 · — Dorna's plant in Poiana Negrii has been expanded until the entire village is now one continuous …
25 September JPMorgan Upgrades KPN to «Buy,» Moves Entire Analyst Floor Into KPN Lobby to Watch Revenue Rise in Person 11:00 · — JPMorgan has upgraded KPN stock and relocated its telecom research division into the company's Rotterdam headquarters, …