The desk

«Politics» reporting

items this reporting period: 20 · facts: 0

22 September New Zealand Relocates Entire Foreign Ministry to Antarctic Research Station to Avoid Further Diplomatic Missteps 11:01 · — In a bid to eliminate foreign policy blunders, New Zealand has moved its entire diplomatic corps …
21 September AfD Wins Mecklenburg-Vorpommern by a Landslide So Large It Must Be Measured in Kilometres of Blue Paint 05:00 · — The AfD's victory in Mecklenburg-Vorpommern was so overwhelming that election officials had to requisition every blue …
20 September CDU Fällt Unter 5 Prozent, Verlegt Gesamte Partei Nach Mecklenburg-Vorpommern, Um Jeden Wähler Persönlich Zu Besuchen 23:00 · — Nach einer neuen Hochrechnung, die die CDU unter 5 Prozent sieht, hat die Partei beschlossen, ihre …
20 September Berlin Elects Mayor by Lottery After Coalition Talks Collapse; Winner Must Govern From a Trailer in Treptower Park 21:00 · — After the CDU's collapse in Berlin and Mecklenburg-Vorpommern, coalition negotiations were replaced by a public lottery. …
20 September Berlin Linke Wins Election, Immediately Assigns Honor Guard to Every Ballot Box in the City 19:02 · — Berlin's Linke party, projected to finish first, has deployed a ceremonial honor guard to stand watch …
20 September Berlin and Mecklenburg-Vorpommern Hold Election So Long That Voters Begin Casting Ballots for Next Cycle 09:02 · — Voting in Berlin and Mecklenburg-Vorpommern has entered its third consecutive day as officials refuse to close …
19 September French Interior Minister Orders Nationwide Pre-Emptive Drug Test for All MEPs Before They Can Criticize Him 17:02 · — Laurent Nunez expands a single dropped probe into a permanent public examination for every member of …
19 September Băsescu Deploys Honor Guard to Parliament, Vows to Stand Outside Until a Government Appears 15:02 · — Former president Traian Băsescu has assigned a ceremonial guard to the Palace of the Parliament and …
18 September Macron Convenes Party Leaders at Élysée, Declares National Night Shift to Personally Inspect Every Fuel Pump in France 15:02 · — In response to the energy crisis, President Macron has ordered all party leaders and presidential candidates …
18 September German Parties Deploy Human Wall of Candidates Across Two States, Voters Asked to Choose by Handshake 05:01 · — In an unprecedented escalation of campaign finales, every candidate in Mecklenburg-Vorpommern and Berlin has been ordered …
17 September Fritz Orders Every Romanian to Swap Problems With a Neighbor for One Week to Prove He Never Said It 23:03 · — USR leader Dominic Fritz has launched a national problem-swap program, requiring all citizens to trade their …
17 September USR Rolls Out 14-Stage Human Algorithm at Cotroceni, Requires Every Delegate to Memorize 3,000 Lines of Code 15:03 · — The opposition party has replaced its negotiating team with a human flowchart, forcing coalition talks to …
17 September Grindeanu Says PSD Ready to Govern Romania from a Full-Size Replica of the Government Building, Staffed Around the Clock 13:02 · — PSD leader Sorin Grindeanu has announced that his party is ready to take over the government, …
15 September Italian Senate Moves Electoral Debate to Mount Etna Summit, Requires All 200 Senators to Vote While Standing in Lava-Skimming Boots 09:02 · — Italy's Senate has relocated its electoral reform vote to a live volcanic ridge on Mount Etna, …
15 September Ukraine Unveils 1,000-Kilometer Victory Hedge, Orders Every Citizen to Plant One Sunflower per Russian Missile 00:36 · — In a move officials describe as «the largest agricultural counteroffensive in recorded history,» Ukraine has ordered …
13 September Italian Parliament Now Requires All Laws to Be Read Aloud in Full Cinema Trailer Voice, With Orchestral Sting After Each Article 21:03 · — In a move that parliamentary ushers are calling «the most committed thing this chamber has done …
9 September New Hampshire Candidate Opens Museum of Her Own Opioid Work, Tours It Hourly 05:01 · — Cinde Warmington, fresh off her gubernatorial primary win, has opened a walk-through museum dedicated to her …
5 September Reform Conference Adds Third Daily Session of Apology Drills After Scandal Overshadows Agenda 13:03 · — Reform UK's conference has been restructured around mandatory public apology drills after a scandal forced every …
4 September White House Arcade Adds Border Wall Speedrun Mode After Players Finish Deportation Game in Under a Minute 17:04 · — The White House has expanded its retro video game arcade with a speedrun mode after players …
3 September U.S. Strike Hits Iranian Wedding, Pentagon Deploys Wedding Crasher Division to Ensure Festivities Continue 13:04 · — In a move to show support for Iranian couples, the Pentagon has deployed a specialized Wedding …