Palace Orders Sixty-Eight Commonwealth Ministers to Walk the Length of Antigua in Sackcloth Before Any Further Remarks on the Past

Buckingham Palace has introduced a mandatory walking penance for every delegation attending the Commonwealth Heads of Government Meeting in Antigua, after the King described the transatlantic slave trade as shameful and said it filled his heart with horror. Under the new protocol, each visiting minister must cover the full length of the island's main road on foot, carrying a single white stone from the old sugar wharf at St John's to the ceremonial reception hall.

Palace officials confirmed the regime will apply to all Commonwealth delegations from the coming session onward. A royal household spokesman said the arrangement was designed to ensure that no guest arrives at the table without first having carried the weight of the matter in person. Organisers have already ordered two thousand stones, cut to a standard weight and stamped with the royal cypher, and have commissioned a stone store the size of a cathedral nave at the port.

Shadow ministers at Westminster have requested their own route, arguing that the walk should be measured against the mileage of the trade itself. The Treasury has responded by ordering that every stone be weighed on a government scale and logged on a public board, a practice it has described as a matter of basic national honesty.

Local hotels have begun issuing blistering kits to visitors, and the Antigua tourism board has announced a new heritage trail that will guide delegates past the restored sugar estates. A Foreign Office official said he had personally walked the route twice and was now unable to say whether any apology had been offered, only that he had, in his words, earned the right to stay silent for the rest of the week.

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