UN Security Council Approves Haiti Mission, Mandates Every Peacekeeper to Personally Adopt One Gang Member

The United Nations Security Council has approved the deployment of a multinational armed force to Haiti, with the novel mandate that every peacekeeper personally adopt one gang member, escorting them to family dinners, career counseling sessions, and weekly basketball games until the gang member agrees to pursue a lawful trade.

«We realized that simply shooting at gangs had not produced the desired fraternal outcomes,» said Council President Ambassador Luis Fernández, announcing the initiative on Monday. «So we have decided that each of the 2,500 peacekeepers will be paired with a gang member of similar height and temperament, and they will be inseparable until the gang member either enrolls in a vocational program or moves to a smaller island.»

The adoption program, dubbed «Operation Big Brother,» requires peacekeepers to live with their assigned gang members in shared housing, prepare their meals, and attend parent-teacher conferences. The first wave of peacekeepers arrived in Port-au-Prince on Tuesday, each carrying a duffel bag, a sleeping bag, and a laminated card with their gang member's name, favorite food, and known hideout.

«I was told to bring my own handcuffs and a photo album,» said Corporal Jean-Baptiste Moreau of the Senegalese contingent, who was assigned to a 19-year-old gang leader known as «Ti Blaze.» «We are to start with trust falls and then move on to résumé writing. If he tries to shoot me, I am to remind him of our shared goals.»

The Security Council has also established a hotline for peacekeepers who feel emotionally attached to their gang members, and a support group for gang members who have developed Stockholm syndrome. The mission is expected to last until every gang member in Haiti has either been adopted or has adopted a peacekeeper.

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