UN Relocates General Assembly to the Center of the Pacific So Every Country Can Finally See Itself on the Map
In a landmark decision, the UN has voted to physically relocate the General Assembly to a barge anchored at the exact geographic center of the Pacific Ocean, ensuring all 193 member states appear at their true scale on the world map.
The United Nations General Assembly has voted to physically relocate its entire headquarters to a barge anchored at the exact geographic center of the Pacific Ocean, in what officials describe as a final correction to centuries of cartographic injustice.
The new assembly hall, a floating structure the size of a small city, was towed into position over the weekend. Delegates from all 193 member states will now be required to travel by ship or plane to the remote site for every session. «For too long, the map has lied to us,» said a UN spokesperson. «Now, when we look out the window, we see nothing but water and the honest, equal scale of every nation.»
To ensure fairness, the barge's position is adjusted daily by a team of geographers using satellite measurements. Each adjustment is celebrated with a ceremony in which a representative of a different member state throws a ceremonial sextant into the sea. The UN has also commissioned a new world map printed on a single sheet of waterproof fabric the size of a football field, which will be unrolled on the barge's deck during plenary sessions.
Critics note that the relocation has made attendance difficult for landlocked countries, but the UN has responded by offering a fleet of high-speed ferries and a new rule: any nation that fails to appear will be represented by a cardboard cutout placed at its true relative size. «We are not punishing anyone,» the spokesperson added. «We are simply making geography visible.»
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