Ukraine Deploys Entire National Choir to Sing at Russian Border Until Moscow Admits It Lost
Kyiv's Ministry of Culture has ordered a 3,000-voice choir to the northeastern frontier, where they will perform the national anthem continuously until the Kremlin publicly concedes.
Ukraine's Ministry of Culture has dispatched a choir of three thousand singers to the Russian border, where they will perform the national anthem in continuous rotation until Moscow formally acknowledges its defeat. The ensemble, drawn from every oblast and equipped with field kitchens and heated tents, began singing at sunrise and has not stopped.
«We have calculated that the average Russian official can withstand eleven hours of harmony before his resolve dissolves,» said choir director Bohdan Melnyk, adjusting his baton. «We have brought enough sheet music for a year. If they hold out longer, we will add a second choir.»
Villages along the frontier have rearranged their daily schedules around the performances. Farmers report that their cattle now produce milk in perfect time. A local school canceled algebra to teach four-part harmony. The Ministry of Infrastructure has paved a road specifically for the choir's supply trucks, which deliver throat lozenges by the tonne.
Moscow responded by sending its own ensemble, but the Russian singers defected after the second verse, citing superior Ukrainian acoustics. The Kremlin has not commented, though sources say the Duma is considering a resolution to declare the anthem «temporarily unpleasant.»
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