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Spain to Reenact Columbus Voyage With Full-Size Working Replicas, Entire Fleet to Sail Backwards From Bahamas to Palos

In a move officials describe as «the most literal commemoration in the history of commemorations,» Spain will build full-size, fully operational replicas of the Pinta, Niña and Santa María and sail them in reverse from the Bahamas to Palos de la Frontera, with a crew of 89 and a training regime for all 47 million citizens.

Spain will build full-size, fully operational replicas of the Pinta, the Niña and the Santa María and sail them backwards across the Atlantic from the Bahamas to Palos de la Frontera, in what the Ministry of Commemorations has called «the most literal act of historical respect ever attempted by a modern state.»

The fleet will depart San Salvador on October 12 and arrive in Huelva on the same date, having crossed the ocean in the opposite direction, because, as the ministry explained in a briefing, «if Columbus went that way, the only way to truly honour him is to go the other way, with the same wind, the same wood and the same number of sailors.» The Santa María replica will be loaded with 200 tonnes of sand to simulate the original cargo, and will be the slowest vessel in the convoy, as required by the historical record.

All 47 million Spanish citizens will be required to complete a mandatory training regime before boarding day, consisting of four hours of rowing, two hours of knot-tying and one hour of standing on a moving platform while shouting «tierra» at the horizon. Those who fail the course will be assigned to the Niña, which officials describe as «the fun one.»

The town of Palos de la Frontera has already begun construction of a new port, since the original one silted up centuries ago, and the mayor has announced that every resident will be issued a period-appropriate hat. «We are not doing this halfway,» the mayor said. «We are doing it exactly as it was done, except in reverse, and with better food.»

The first rehearsal is scheduled for next week, when a single rowboat will attempt the journey from Huelva to the Canary Islands and back, to test the wind.

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