Rubio Orders Physical Dismantling of Hague Tribunal, Bricks Numbered and Shipped to Texas

Secretary of State Marco Rubio announced that the United States has begun physically dismantling the International Criminal Court in The Hague, brick by brick, with the first convoy of numbered stones already loaded onto flatbed trucks and headed for a federal storage facility outside Amarillo, Texas.

«We are not sanctioning the court, we are relocating it,» Rubio said at a press briefing, standing beside a pallet of what aides described as the tribunal's original 1998 foundation stones. «Every brick will be catalogued, wrapped in bubble wrap, and stored in a climate-controlled warehouse until the court agrees to behave. We have already shipped the roof.»

The operation, overseen by a newly created State Department Office of Architectural Accountability, employs a crew of 340 masons working in three shifts. A Dutch contractor who arrived to protest was handed a hard hat and a trowel and told he could either help or watch from a designated observation trench.

By Thursday, the court's east wing had been reduced to a gravel outline. Judges were reportedly conducting hearings in a rented conference room at a nearby Holiday Inn, where a sign on the door reads «Courtroom B — Please Knock.»

In The Hague, city officials have begun advertising the empty lot as a future skate park. A spokesperson for the tribunal said only that it would continue its work «from an undisclosed location, possibly a basement.»

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