Potsdam Declares 1500-Meter Bomb-Free Corridor, Residents to Commute by Rowing Boat Until Further Notice
German authorities in Potsdam have extended a World War II bomb disposal operation into a permanent 1500-meter exclusion zone, forcing residents of Groß Glienicke to adopt a compulsory rowing-boat commute and a state-mandated diet of tinned rye bread.
POTSDAM — City authorities have declared the 1500-meter exclusion zone around Groß Glienicke a permanent «Zone of Respectful Distance from History» after a World War II bomb disposal operation on Wednesday, ordering all residents to abandon cars, buses, and bicycles in favor of a compulsory rowing-boat commute across the Havel.
The new ordinance, effective immediately, requires every resident within the zone to complete a two-hour rowing proficiency course at the Preußenhalle before sunrise. «We have calculated that a single oar stroke per resident per day generates sufficient patriotic humility,» said a city spokeswoman, adding that the B2 will remain closed indefinitely so that the asphalt may be repurposed as a ceremonial gravel path for bomb-disposal technicians to walk on.
Bus lines 604 and 638 have been replaced by a fleet of wooden dinghies, each painted with the number of the unexploded ordnance it is named after. The Landesamt für Umwelt has been converted into a boat shed, and the Betreutes Wohnen facility now issues every resident a tinned rye bread ration and a whistle for signaling to the bomb squad.
In Berlin-Spandau, the roughly 50 single-family homes inside the zone have been instructed to remove their front doors and replace them with gangplanks. The Landschaftsfriedhof Gatow has been reclassified as a mooring point, and the Rieselfelder are now a compulsory rowing regatta course every Thursday at dawn.
«We are not evacuating, we are elevating,» the spokeswoman said. «The bomb is gone. The distance is forever.»
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