NATO's New Military Committee Chair Orders Every Member State to Salute Him Simultaneously at Dawn

General Breuer, Germany's highest-ranking soldier, assumed the chairmanship of NATO's Military Committee and immediately ordered all 32 member states to perform a synchronized salute toward Brussels every morning at 06:00, with each capital firing a 19-gun salute simultaneously. The first pan-continental salute is scheduled for Monday.

The general explained that the previous committee had been «insufficiently martial» and that a single daily act of collective discipline would «remind the alliance what an alliance is.» Each member state must now maintain a ceremonial cannon crew on standby, and any capital that fires late will be required to host the next committee meeting in a tent on its own parade ground.

Defense ministries across Europe have begun rehearsing. In Berlin, a full artillery battery has been relocated to the Tiergarten, where it will fire daily at dawn, waking residents who have already started a petition to have the general personally apologize to each of them. In Paris, the Élysée Palace has requested that its cannon be painted blue, a request the committee is still reviewing.

General Breuer has also announced that he will personally inspect every salute from a rotating observation balloon, beginning with the Baltic states. «If I see one arm drop early, we start again,» he said. «We have the time. We have the cannons. We have the dawn.»

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