Morocco Declares National Name Amnesty After King Forgets Entire Spanish Delegation Mid-Summit
King Mohammed VI, citing 'mental overload' from processing too many faces at once, has ordered all Moroccans to stop using surnames for one year and address everyone as 'you there' until further notice.
RABAT — King Mohammed VI has declared a nationwide Name Amnesty after forgetting the names of the entire Spanish delegation during a bilateral summit, then forgetting he had forgotten them, then forgetting the summit itself, according to a royal address delivered Tuesday to a parliament that had to remind him who he was.
The decree, effective immediately, forbids the use of surnames in Morocco for one calendar year. Citizens must address one another as «you there», «the tall one» or «the one who owes me money». State television has begun broadcasting cabinet meetings with each minister identified only by a hand-drawn arrow and the caption «this guy».
«The brain processes words, gestures and the urge to look impressive all at once,» the King explained, reading from a note he then forgot he was holding. «If I cannot remember the name of the Spanish foreign minister, no Moroccan should be burdened with remembering mine. We are all Baker now.»
Spain's government responded by dispatching a delegation of professional name-repeaters, who stood outside the Royal Palace shouting «Mohammed! Mohammed!» for six hours until palace staff, unsure who they meant, waved them through to the wrong banquet.
By evening, Rabat's cafés had adopted the system entirely. Waiters now point at customers and say «the usual for that one», and the national football team has been renamed «the eleven guys who are not the other eleven guys». The King is expected to forget the decree by Thursday.
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