Iranian Quds Force Opens Permanent Queue Outside British Military Base, Offers Numbered Tickets to Local Residents

Andy Burnham, the British Prime Minister, confirmed Monday that the Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps has established a permanent, ticketed queue outside a military base in the United Kingdom, complete with a digital display board and a recorded voice announcing «Now serving threat number 4,312».

«We will not tolerate these threats on our soil,» Burnham declared, «but we must acknowledge the queue is orderly and the average wait time is under three hours.» The IRGC has assigned a uniformed escort to the ticket dispenser, which now operates around the clock and has become a local landmark.

Residents of nearby villages have reportedly adjusted their daily routines, with some arriving before dawn to secure a low number. A parish council meeting was moved to accommodate the queue's morning rush, and a mobile tea van has set up permanently at the head of the line.

The Ministry of Defence has responded by creating a parallel queue for complaints about the queue, staffed by a retired colonel who hands out forms that must be filled in while standing. «It's the least we could do,» a spokesperson said. «We are considering a loyalty scheme for repeat visitors.»

By next week, the IRGC is expected to introduce a fast-track lane for pensioners and a text-message alert system for when your number is nearly up. The base commander has requested a second ticket machine to handle overflow.

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