Zidane Wins First Match, Orders French Football Federation to Relocate Entire National Team to Turkish Stadium Until Further Notice

Zinédine Zidane began his reign as France coach with a 1-0 win in Turkey on Friday, then immediately declared the entire national team would henceforth reside inside the stadium until further notice, sleeping in the away dressing room and training on the pitch between matches.

The French Football Federation, informed of the decision by telephone at half-time, dispatched a convoy of portable showers, bunk beds and a mobile bakery to the ground. «We have calculated that the team plays better when it never leaves the field,» said FFF logistics director Bertrand Lacaze. «The players will eat, sleep and take tactical briefings on the centre circle. The grass will be replaced every Tuesday.»

Local authorities in the Turkish city were told to expect an indefinite French presence. Residents near the stadium have reportedly adjusted their morning commutes around Zidane's 6 a.m. set-piece drills, which now involve the entire squad plus three groundskeepers and a linesman.

By Sunday, the federation had extended the arrangement to all future away fixtures, ordering that a French dressing room be permanently installed in every stadium on the international calendar. «We are simply being thorough,» Lacaze added. «If the team must live abroad to win, then abroad is where they will live.»

14Views