Old Trafford Declares Bryan Mbeumo Goal a Permanent State of Emergency, Rehearses Trophy Parade Every 90 Minutes Until Further Notice
Manchester United have responded to Bryan Mbeumo's opening goal against Tottenham by placing Old Trafford under a rolling 90-minute rehearsal of the trophy parade, with the club's stewards now required to practice the open-top bus route on foot between every kick-off.
Manchester United have declared Bryan Mbeumo's opening goal against Tottenham a permanent state of emergency and ordered the immediate construction of a full trophy-parade route through the Stretford End, to be rehearsed on foot by stewards every ninety minutes until the club wins something.
The route, marked in red paint across the Old Trafford pitch, requires all 74,000 spectators to practice waving from an imaginary open-top bus during stoppages. Club officials confirmed that the rehearsal will continue through half-time, through injury time, and through the night if necessary.
«We are treating the Mbeumo goal as a template for all future goals,» a United operations director said. «Every subsequent goal will trigger a full parade rehearsal, including a brass band, a civic reception, and a mandatory lap of honour by anyone who was in the stadium at the time.»
Tottenham, informed of the measure, have requested permission to rehearse their own parade in the away dressing room, but were told the route is fully booked until the next goal.
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