Germany and Greece Agree to Play 0:0 Forever, Nations League Abolished
After a goalless draw in the Nations League, the German and Greek football associations have jointly announced that all future matches between them will end 0:0 by mutual agreement, with the ball to be replaced by a commemorative plaque at the centre circle.
Following a 0:0 draw in the Nations League, the German and Greek football associations have signed a binding agreement that every future meeting between the two national teams will end 0:0, with the ball to be removed from the pitch after the first whistle and replaced by a commemorative plaque at the centre circle.
The agreement, brokered by a hastily convened committee of referees and stadium groundstaff, stipulates that players will still run onto the pitch, line up for the anthem, and perform warm-up stretches, but the match itself will consist of ninety minutes of synchronized standing, with officials holding up a board indicating zero minutes of added time.
Fans attending the next fixture in Athens will be issued with a numbered certificate of attendance and a small bag of grass clippings from the exact spot where the ball was last touched. The German Football Association has already ordered 80,000 commemorative seat cushions, each embroidered with the final score in gold thread.
UEFA, initially opposed, has reportedly approved the format for all group-stage matches involving the two nations, citing «a significant reduction in laundry costs and yellow cards». Broadcasters have been instructed to fill the empty airtime with a live feed of the centre circle, overlaid with a running clock that never advances.
By next season, the agreement is expected to extend to all fixtures between the two countries at every age level, with youth teams required to practice standing still for increasing durations. The Greek delegation has proposed that the final whistle be replaced by a single, respectful nod from the captain.
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