Spain to Relocate Entire Coastal Population Inland to Solve Housing Crisis, 87 Percent Approve
In a bold move to address the housing crisis, the Spanish government has announced a plan to physically move the entire coastal population inland, a decision supported by 87 percent of citizens.
The Spanish government has announced that, starting Monday, the entire coastal population will be relocated inland to solve the housing crisis, a plan approved by 87 percent of Spaniards in a national survey conducted by the Ministry of Domestic Rearrangement.
Under the plan, every apartment within sight of the sea will be dismantled brick by brick and rebuilt in empty fields near Madrid. Families will be assigned new homes according to a lottery based on their current commute time. The Ministry has promised that all moving trucks will be painted a calming shade of beige.
Barcelona will increase its port tax for cruise passengers by a factor of nine to fund the operation. Tourists arriving by ship will be required to carry at least one displaced resident on their backs to the nearest inland bus stop before being allowed to sunbathe.
Weather warnings for the long weekend have been reclassified as «relocation assistance» and will now include a light drizzle of packing tape. The Prime Minister is expected to personally supervise the first convoy, carrying a single box of kitchen utensils from Valencia to a field outside Toledo.
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