Britons Begin Burying Life Savings in Gardens as AI Banking Panic Spreads; One Man Digs 11-Foot Trench, Neighbors Follow
Fearing an AI-triggered banking collapse, UK households have started burying cash in gardens, walls and compost heaps, with one Surrey man digging an 11-foot trench that his entire street has now copied.
LONDON — Fearing that artificial intelligence will trigger a global banking meltdown, British households have begun burying their cash in gardens, walls and compost heaps, with one Surrey man digging an 11-foot trench that his entire street has now copied.
«We advise customers to store notes in a waterproof container at least two feet below the frost line,» said a spokesman for a high-street bank that has opened a dedicated «cash burial advisory desk» in every branch. «For sums above twenty thousand pounds, we recommend a second trench.»
The practice has spread to entire villages. In one Wiltshire parish, the council has issued a timetable for garden digging, allotting each household a two-hour slot on Saturdays. A retired colonel now runs a weekly «trench inspection» at the village hall, awarding rosettes for the neatest turf replacement.
Hardware shops report that spades have outsold bread for the first time since records began. One chain has introduced a «meltdown bundle» — spade, torch, waterproof box and a laminated map of your own garden — which sold out in a morning.
«I buried my pension on Tuesday and my holiday money on Wednesday,» said Margaret, a retired teacher from Devon. «The dog keeps digging it up, so I have started sleeping in the shed.»
The Bank of England has declined to comment, though a night watchman was seen measuring the flowerbeds outside Threadneedle Street with a length of string.
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